"THE LORD DISCIPLINES THOSE HE LOVES"
Heb.12:6

Preface this by understanding that I never sweat drops of blood while in the process of being obedient. Luke 22:44. And considering the Hall of Fame in Hebrews 11, I shudder to think how minor are my inconveniences in this life. Now to get on with airing the present situation.


"God disciplines us for our good that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Heb. 12:10-12.

At this present time and for the past several months it is unmistakable that God is disciplining me. Looking back over the last several years I can see how pride, lust, and self worship have been large stumbing blocks in my desire to be a disciple of Jesus.


Now I have nowhere else to turn. As a family, we are headed for extended periods of time spent apart. We face the largest financial challenge we have ever faced in out marriage. And we are still the primary care givers for Gail's mom.


Making the right decisions has never been more crutial. And in the past I have made the same kind of decisions and some of them were wrong. So I expect that some of my present decisions will be wrong. How I wish to live so as not to disappoint Jesus. Particularly during this time of discipline.

The greatest part about being in grave circumstances is how real Jesus is to me. I can barely move without realizing that it is He who allows movement. I can barely speak without the same realization. Since I am prone to panic and worry, I am driven to my knees regularly throughout the day because my mind and body need the relief. It was just yesterday that I understood not to pray for escape. Jesus will never leave nor forsake, Heb.13:5. Isn't it great. That means that along with staying the course, whatever that is, I will not be abandoned. As a matter of fact, I know that the Lord is near because He has to be in order to have me under His discipline.

Calm waters and smooth sailing are part of walking with Jesus. Unfortunately I have not learned how to be fully surrendered during those times, so I am taking greater comfort than usual in the surrender that comes so readily at this time of discipline.

Moving to Texas was an impetuous decision. We allowed our personal desires to have to much control. Since we have moved here we have seen His hand at work in our lives and through our lives, so I am convinced that He is using us regardless. We now face the difficulty of trying to figure out how to make a living while staying here in Texas. Our source of income is in California. Gail never really liked California. What am I going to do?


I'm going to start spending most of my time working at our business in California. If the business fails, I guess we can stay in Texas and find some other source of income. Or we can move to where there is a job offer. If the business succeeds I would very reluctant to start this process all over again of living in Texas and visiting the business in California for just one week a month. At this point in time it seems that we are in the financial fix that we are in because of the folly of believing that our small business doesn't need every laborer to be at work. I can no longer justify receiving a paycheck and not show up for work.

This isn't going to be easy. I will either have to move all of us back to California, or sell the business. There is really no other option that I can see. And neither of these options sounds very good right now. Like I said, this is small potatoes compared to real suffering for Jesus, but I must get this down on paper so that later I can rejoice in the Lord's provision, having clearly documented the event.

Finally I don't like blogs that read like journals. And my blog has become a journal lately. Maybe I can amend this in the future. Maybe not.