LOST INSIDE MY BRAIN
I find it pretty easy to get lost inside my brain. I've never been sure if I am dyslexic. I had the chance to take the test once and I declined. I am fairly certain that if A.D.D were a diagnosis when I was in gradeschool, I would have qualified. So wondering if I have one or both of these syndromes, plagues my mind when I lay in bed skipping through decades of memories and future uncertainties, none of which are linked in any discernable fashion. This rapid succession of thought makes me dizzy and leaves me confused and breathless.
Had you asked me in my 40's when I was saved, if I thought the peace and surety of my salvation would be well established in my 60's, no doubt I would have answered yes. And in a general sense it is true. What isn't consistent is me. I am able to unravel all of the promises that Jesus has made to all believers, and one by one lay them aside until I am mentally falling in the dark. The anxiety that accompanies this is the result of my wrestling with independence.
Wondering how other men keep their faith alive is what draws me to fellowship with other men. The steadfastness of seasoned men has a certain firmness that only years of surrender can produce. Sometimes I am that man in the life of a newer Christian. But I cannot remain that man, as an encourager to other men, unless I demonstrate to him my own wrestling with the corruption of my flesh. And wrestle is what I do.
The grounding that I need at these times can always be found in scripture and prayer. Knowing this, I still flounder around, wallowing in self pity. It takes an act of the will, what is commonly known as spiritual discipline, to pry me out of my funk. This is particularly challenging when part of the funk I am in has it's origins in doubt and uncertainty about the promises of Christ.
One of the seven resloves of Johnathan Edwards, [yesterday's post], that I find great encouragment in, is resolve number five. He opens up a window into his soul by exposing his own wrestling with doubt. And he ends the reslove by stating that he will use all his will to fight the independence that the flesh desires.
Without rival, scripture memorization, has been my greatest comfort in periods of darkness and doubt, simply because I can recall it and recite it, not having to move. And it heals like a salve, because it is not a homily or chant. It is the very word of God, settling into my mind and bringing me back to Him.
I find it pretty easy to get lost inside my brain. I've never been sure if I am dyslexic. I had the chance to take the test once and I declined. I am fairly certain that if A.D.D were a diagnosis when I was in gradeschool, I would have qualified. So wondering if I have one or both of these syndromes, plagues my mind when I lay in bed skipping through decades of memories and future uncertainties, none of which are linked in any discernable fashion. This rapid succession of thought makes me dizzy and leaves me confused and breathless.
Had you asked me in my 40's when I was saved, if I thought the peace and surety of my salvation would be well established in my 60's, no doubt I would have answered yes. And in a general sense it is true. What isn't consistent is me. I am able to unravel all of the promises that Jesus has made to all believers, and one by one lay them aside until I am mentally falling in the dark. The anxiety that accompanies this is the result of my wrestling with independence.
Wondering how other men keep their faith alive is what draws me to fellowship with other men. The steadfastness of seasoned men has a certain firmness that only years of surrender can produce. Sometimes I am that man in the life of a newer Christian. But I cannot remain that man, as an encourager to other men, unless I demonstrate to him my own wrestling with the corruption of my flesh. And wrestle is what I do.
The grounding that I need at these times can always be found in scripture and prayer. Knowing this, I still flounder around, wallowing in self pity. It takes an act of the will, what is commonly known as spiritual discipline, to pry me out of my funk. This is particularly challenging when part of the funk I am in has it's origins in doubt and uncertainty about the promises of Christ.
One of the seven resloves of Johnathan Edwards, [yesterday's post], that I find great encouragment in, is resolve number five. He opens up a window into his soul by exposing his own wrestling with doubt. And he ends the reslove by stating that he will use all his will to fight the independence that the flesh desires.
Without rival, scripture memorization, has been my greatest comfort in periods of darkness and doubt, simply because I can recall it and recite it, not having to move. And it heals like a salve, because it is not a homily or chant. It is the very word of God, settling into my mind and bringing me back to Him.
posted by Terry L. Burr | 1:56 PM
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